tchb058 — A Certain Man's Secret Record Collection, Vol. 16

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“Man is condemned to be free,” Sartre said. Every day we are forced to choose, forced to live with the freedom to choose. Like breathing, I process the material again today, unable to tell whether it is work, pleasure, escape, or an extension of a revelation from God. No one knows—not even me. They say reason and an erection come from the same brain. If so, who can blame this restless desire? Before my eyes are perfect bodies, methodical routines, acts without hesitation, and the silence of women who cannot resist. The older man's eye for beauty has reached the level of art. I hated it, yet before I knew it, I was worshipping it. They say contempt is the reverse side of admiration, and that is exactly what happened. I once thought the material made by that man was the lowest of the low, but my whole body reacts to it, as if my body forgave him before my soul did. My sense of “rightness” died long ago. My father's voice—“You must not lie”—still echoes in my ears. But Dad, I don't want money. I want to see the “uncensored material” right in front of me, with all my strength. If that is a sin, I am already being punished, alone, every night. By entering this industry, my reputation crumbled like a sandcastle. If the world found out, “Die” would be spray-painted on my door, people would turn away at convenience-store counters, and notifications from dating apps would fall silent forever. Even so, I will upload again today—the material, no, my soul. This act has become a ritual of self-destruction and rebirth, almost an offering. The women were astonishingly beautiful: the lines of their backs, the angles of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stare, holding my breath, as they are gradually broken down. Beauty lives in destruction. The older man knows it. Why are people aroused by footage like this? No—who decided they must not be? The law? Ethics? Or “common sense”? Einstein said, “Common sense is merely the accumulation of prejudices gathered by age eighteen.” Drowning in a sea of prejudice, I deliver this footage to you again today—ethically the lowest, sexually the greatest. So please: do not spread it too widely. But if possible, watch it more intently than anyone else. This contradiction is my “honesty.”